Thursday, March 31, 2005


So I decided to see what the Top 30 most played songs were on the ol' tankPOD and I admit I was a bit surprised.

clicky to make bigger so you can actually read this

Um, yeah. There goes my indie cred card! I will say if I had a docking port in my car the list would be a lot different, but tankPOD mostly gets utilized in the gym. That would certainly help explain the ABBA, wouldn't it?

So then I decided to let tankPOD pick it's own playlist through shuffle and here's what it came up with:

again, clicky to make bigger so you can actually read this

No wonder the little fucker kicked my ass when I DJed against it at Double Door that one time!

And on a more serious note…

A blog I really enjoyed reading – and which also led me to a number of other blogs I really enjoy – went off-line a few days ago. This particular blog served as sort of the lynchpin to the story of a bunch of young professional-types relatively new to the corporate world. When all the blogs were read together you could get this cool composite image of a many faceted story told from various angles. I really dug it.

The other blogs remain and continue to tell this story but I was a bit confused as to why the one that drew me in had vanished. A quick e-mail later I found out that a stalker had pushed the blog out of existence by displaying the usual ultra-scary stalkerish behavior. Man was I pissed.

Okay, I realize that by writing these things we open ourselves to critique from outside sources. By definition the fact that people choose a public forum to air their thoughts makes them, to a point, a public commodity. However writing on the Net is no different than writing a column for a newspaper or being a talking head on FOX in that the views espoused in all those venues are up for discussion but at no time would a reasonable human being presume to actually know the commentator on a deeper more personal level, right?

I’ve had people come up to me and say that they feel they already know me by reading what I write here and over at Lost In Guyville and that’s fine. I am pretty straightforward and I realize that what I write does pretty accurately reflect who I am. But I don’t think anyone would ever tell me they wanted to date me or become my best friend just because they read my blog. Rational people realize that. Irrational people don’t.

So, now there’s a void left due to one person’s unhealthy interest – and unfounded familiarity – with another person. I love writing and I love it when writing is enough to move, motivate or influence people. Writing is a powerful thing. What I don’t like is when someone unstable becomes consumed by another person’s writing to the point that reality and their own desire begins to merge and distort and create an unhealthy obsession.

I don’t like it but there’s not much I can do about it.

Okay, I really don't want to end on such a down note, so...

I've played many instruments in my time but one of my favorites has always been the drums. I guess I just like the noise and power involved. So imagine my excitment when I found out there was a movie floating around of two of my favorite drummers going at it head to head!

Yes, it's true, click here to see Buddy Rich take on Animal on The Muppet Show.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005


So at the trade show last week a few people said I reminded them of other people. One girl said I looked like Ethan Hawk, which I decidedly do not. A few people said I bore a resemblance to Beck, which is much more believable. But the most people came up to me asking if I had posed for an ad that was in a trade magazine being given out at the show. I had no idea what they were talking about until I tracked one of these ads down and feasted my eyes on this:

Okay, that does look like a younger, um, softer version of me. Kind of. Well, not once you really look at it but it certainly looks more like me than Ethan Hawk!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


When I went out of town on a brief road trip with Woolworthy last year I had gone for over a year and a half without touching food from a fast-food restaurant. It hadn’t been a conscious decision or anything although I’m pretty sure it happened after I read Fast Food nation – I dare you to read that book without feeling a twinge of guilt as you snack on some tasty fries from Mickey D’s – but I had begun to take a certain pride in a fast food free diet.

Well, if you’ve ever been on the road with a band you know that you either eat crap or starve so I slipped and began eating the occasional burger or a combo number three or whatever.

Yesterday, as a result of Friday’s late night snack attack, I was on-line looking at the nutritional info on White Castle Slyders and I clicked on over to the McDonald's web-site to see what the nutritional value of my favorite meal there was. If I’ve been out the night before I invariably find myself drawn to McDonald's the next day but I always thought I was drawn to the “sensible” choice of a plain hamburger, small fries and small chocolate shake.

Sensible, my ass!

That little meal is over one thousand fucking calories! Jesus Kee-rist!

So guess who’s back to avoiding fast food joints again?

(as usual but not for much longer)

DJ Tankboy and Rudy Tuesday
strike a pose just for you.

Old school rock and/or roll attitude
mixed with only the finest selections
from yesterday, today and tomorrow.

TONIGHT, Tuesday March 29, 2005
Stunning musical selections from 9pm until 2am

Features of the week:
We guarantee we'll play something
off unreleased albums from these artists!

Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
The Blood Arm - Bomb Romantics
The Cells - Mayday
50 Foot Wave - Golden Ocean
Fannypack - See You Next Tuesday
Fleeing New York - A OK
Ben Folds - Songs For Silverman
Garbage - Bleed Like Me
Heartless Bastards - Stairs And Elevators
Hot Hot Heat - Elevator
Stephen Malkmus - Face The Truth
Maxïmo Park - A Certain Trigger
Nine Inch Nails - With Teeth
Robert Pollard - From A Compound Eye
Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
Snowglobe - Doing The Distance
Spoon - Gimme Fiction

Blue Steel, baby.
Blue. Steel.

Every Tuesday.
Only at Ten56.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Graham Coxon…

…was lovely, by the way. Also a big thanks to Double Door for finding us a photo pass super quickly. Photogal was on the list through Graham’s tour publicist to get one but production had forgotten to leave it at the door. The great staff tracked it down for me super-quick though and in the end she got some really good snaps of him. A longer write-up and photos will be up over at Lost In Guyville in the next day or so.

Also my apologies to Shrimpy G. I tried to get her and her lovely boyfriend into what I thought was a better eyeline of the stage since I was afraid she couldn't see around the towering presence that Photogal and I project. However I fear the new positioning may have actually been worse...but I had the best intentions. Really!

I’m even more of an idiot than usual.

So a friend sent me a digital copy of the new Maxïmo Park and I immediately fell in love. I rant and I rave about this new discovery and start working on a review for Then I was tidying up my office this weekend when I came across a promo copy of the same album that their publicist had sent me a month ago. I remember listening to it, deciding it was nifty and worthy of closer inspection…and then I forgot all about the damned thing. This is almost as lame as realizing that I sold that old Caesar’s album that has the kick-ass tune in the current iTunes Shuffle commercial a few months ago because it had sort of worn out its aural welcome. Sometime too much good music can numb the senses.

A hypothetical question.

Let’s say you’re hosting a dinner party for people who have know you, let’s say, a minimum of nine years. And one of those people brings you a bottle of wine. You’re reply upon receiving this gift is, “Oh, this is much too nice to waste on this crew! Thank you.”

Now, would you take that comment as seriously meaning, “There is no way I’m going to serve this.” Would you then further avoid asking me to open the bottle for you because you think I would say no?

Now I know I can be snarky and that my darker shade of humor is occasionally lost on some folks but I also think that the above comment offered in response to the gift of wine is the sort of thing adults jokingly say to each other at dinner parties. You know, dry wit and that sort of thing. Keep in mind the person who gave the gift of wine immediately got the joke and the people that actually thought I would seriously withhold the gift were just standing nearby so I’m going to posit the theory that the offended parties must have only heard a fragment of my comment.

Of course that would also imply that some people think I’m actually capable of such callous cruelty when such an action could be further from my actual arsenal of nastiness. That someone thinks I would actually do such a thing really bothers me. The fact that this came up long after all the guests left caused me to sink into a funk – which was terribly unfortunate since I thought the dinner had been a total success and everyone seemed to have a wonderful time enjoying each other’s company – so I really wish people would communicate these sorts of worries to me. This is especially true when I hold them close to my heart and almost regard them as family.

And let’s not even get started on another party I offended when they thought I was serving some guests bottled water and other guests only got tap¹ water…

¹For the record, everyone got filtered or bottled water. At one point the demand was so great I was pouring and mixing both since the filter in a Brita pitcher only works so quickly. Apparently this offended party was not aware that it is possible to pour filtered water from a Brita pitcher while it’s still being filtered if you hold the top on tightly to avoid any unfiltered water from leaking out.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

My girlfriend is evil.

I love when Photogal actually goes out to shows with me and drinks and gets rowdy and takes pictures of bands and actually says, "Hey I like that song" and steals my cigarettes and laughs and pushes her way through a crowd to get a better vantage point while still taking care not to block someone's view and, in general, actually stays out late and gets all goofy with me for once.

But why oh why does she insist on stopping at White Castle¹ on the way home every single time and why of why do I eat those damn little chicken sandwiches when I know there's a price to be paid the next day for such an act?

Maybe my girlfriend isn't evil and I'm just an idiot.

¹By the way, the line was really long at the White Castle drive-through window last night and while Photogal has yelled at me in the past about actually going inside to order anything, because the clientele and neighborhood are both both pretty shady, she had no problem sending me in last night when it was her stomach doing the talking!

Friday, March 25, 2005

Mighty impressed.

I totally forgot to send mad props¹ towards NBC for not fucking up the Americanization of The Office. I'm so glad to see another genuinely funny sitcom on the air!

Of course the show is too good, so it will be cancelled after three weeks because most Americans are too stupid to know when a joke is funny if there's no laugh-track.

¹It's ironic dumbass. I know it's no longer hip. Geez, I think even Will Smith stopped saying, "Mad props!" It's just my way of saying NBC did a good job but I know they're going to screw up in the long run.
The long awaited update.
Or maybe not so awaited.
What do I know?

So of course I offer to give a long and detailed post since I took today off and, of course, I also have a free-lance proffreading project I have to finish today and, of course of course, I’m a bit slow from last night's revelries so – I guess what I’m saying is – please bear with me.

First, the trade show. It was a rousing success. I actually felt useful this year as opposed to last year’s near dementia. The vibe was so different. Things seemed to be better paced and it certainly didn’t hurt that the product line my boss and I and my co-workers have been working on was incredibly well received. I also think that since I’d gone through this whole thing before I better knew what to expect so I also knew not to stay out until 4 AM night after night after night. The only two downsides in regards to the trade show were its timing – it was the same weekend as SXSW – and the timing; it was the same weekend Photogal was out of town so the usual late night debauchery that would occur when her watch is lifted was not to be.


Why do they keep pronouncing her name Shi-vo when there’s an “A” in there?

Is anyone else sick of this debate? I’m just asking.


The return of Staurt Smalley?

Ashley Smith did a good thing by keeping a game face and talking a murderer out of killing any more people. I applaud her for that. Bravo. But please, God if you’re listening, let the media barrage stop! She’s quit her job because, “She said her attorney advised that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea [to keep working at Barnacles Seafood.] there’d be too many people coming around thinking she was a celebrity.” Which she is not. That hasn’t stopped her from collecting $70,000 in reward money – which is fine – or appearing on CNN non-stop – which is less fine – and I am sure that the Lifetime movie is already in the works and that just makes me want to gag.

I can’t get mad at her though. Like I said, she did a good thing and should be rewarded. What I can’t stand is the fact that apparently most of American’s lives are so boring or uninspired that they feel this constant need to find “heroes” to worship, fawn over and report upon. Get a life America.


And now we enter a less vitriolic phase.

Yeah, I’m spent. I didn’t expect that rant. I was actually just looking at the front page of the Trib to make sure that “Schiavo” was spelled the way I thought it was so that my mean-spirited joke wouldn't fall flat on its face when I remembered reading the little article about Ashley Smith. I am easily distracted when tired. The funny thing is I didn’t even stay out that late last night! After the Kaiser Chiefs show, which ended earlier than I thought it would and which is written about in detail here, I headed over to Ten56 with Skid and Betsy in tow. The bar was filled with Eighties tunes and while I’m usually annoyed by such a restrictive playlist I let it slide under a deluge of shots and dancing boys and girls bopping all over the joint. I might have stayed even longer but Skid got wrapped up in a pool game and since I’m usually pretty lousy when drunk I didn’t want to jinx his game so I slunk into the night, into a cab and onto my couch. I had been banned from the bedroom due to the snoring that usually follows an evening of drinking and smoking. I keep trying to blame it on the dogs (because they do indeed snore rather loudly) but in this instance I lost the battle. Before it even began since I agreed to be exiled before I had even left for the show five hours earlier. Ah compromise…it what makes a relationship work! When you’re not ducking flying frying pans an whatnot.¹

¹I would like to state for the record that the use of “whatnot” in today’s post mark the first time I have ever used the word in any written work. I have always avoided it for some strange reason but today…today it just felt so right. A nice way to end things before the weekend, don’t you think?

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Almost back to normal…almost.

I took tomorrow off so expect a full update then. Today I’ve gotta get out of here and into the gym pronto – praying I don’t suffer a heart attack after a week away from the rigors of working out – because I’m super stoked to be seeing The Kaiser Chiefs at Double Door tonight and I don’t wanna be late. Okay, I’m also stoked about the debut of The Office since it sounds like NBC managed to resist fucking it up. We’ll see.

The point is that while time is beginning to open up a bit for me the flower has yet to fully blossom.

Did I just type that? Please slap me.

Saddest news of the new year.

I did want to take a moment to offer my condolences to Julie on the passing of her cat, Chilton. The Bean will also be missed by his play-pal Betty the Beagle but Betty told me that Chilton is now in a place with all the string in the world and an unending supply of kitty treats. Also, every chair is shaped just like Julie’s lap so, while we’re sad, I have a hunch The Bean is managing just fine.

Chilton The Cat

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Super Duper Tuesday.

There are a truckload of great albums being released today. Most of them have been featured by Rudy and I at Ten56 over the past few months and tonight will be no different as we continue to spin the coolest of the cool. We will also spin a ton of as-yet-unreleased tracks by bands such as Fiona Apple, Beck, The Blood Arm, Caesars, The Cells, Electric Six, Heartless Bastards, Hot Hot Heat, Stephen Malkmus, Milk At Midnight, Nine Inch Nails, Panico, The Raveonettes, Sleater-Kinney and Spoon. As if that weren't enough I will also be trying to entice many of my co-workers to stop on by; since most of them are rarely in town and available when I DJ that should be an added bonus to the evening!

As usual, the free beer will flow from 8 until 9 and the music begins at 9 and goes until 2. And then I fall down. Smiling.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Eddie Reznor?

Is it just me or does that new Nine Inch Nails track "Getting Smaller" sound an awful lot like a latter-era Pearl Jam tune?

I'm not sayin' that's a bad thing...

Sunday, March 20, 2005

No, I haven't deserted you.

I'm working a trade show my company is displaying stuff at so I have pretty much no free time until Thursday. Sorry about the neglect. On the bright side the stuff my boss and I have been working on the past few months is being really well received, so at least you know that I'm working hard and for a purpose!

Now it's off to the couch because my legs and feet are killing me from four straight days of standing...

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Apparently, after years of denying it, I am a little Irish!

At least that's the news according to my little brother. Judging by his looks I would say he got most of the Irish genes and I ran off with the Bohemian portion of the mix. Regardless I will celebrate this most Irish of holidays the old school way...I'll spend the day doing physical labor setting up stuff at McCormick Place and in the evening I'll try and drag a few co-workers out, meet up with some friends¹ for drinks and -- God willing -- still be standing when the Beer Nuts throw beer all over Double Door later tonight.

Wish me luck.

Oh yeah, if I know you either leave a comment and shoot me an e-mail and let me know what your plans are for tonight. I'll be incommunicado most of the day but at least that way I’ll know where other folks are.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Strangely addictive.

Go here to do this yourself. Click on the picture below to enlarge so you can read my picks. I can't believe both Raising Arizona and Caddyshack got knocked out in my first round! Also, I couldn't bring myself to pick the final was just too hard...

(credit/blame to my little brother for turning me on to this)
Is this poetry? I don't think so.

So no make with the funny today.

So instead of enjoying my written wit, enjoy these two photos from the Windy City Rollers debut at Liar's Club a few months ago. The lovely he-lady in the top photo is Herbie Derbie, owner of Liar's and the arrows in the bottom photo are pointing out the positions Photogal, me and Nitz staked out at the end of the bar for most of the evening.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Wokka wokka.

You know where Rudy and I will be tonight. The same place we are every Tuesday. Spinning "dope tunes" and "keeping it real" at Ten56. You should stop by. Unless you are a loser.

Aw hell, we even love losers, so you have no excuse. We'll see you tonight.

Also, the Kaiser Chiefs debut Employment is out today and you can pick it up for $6.99 at Best Buy. Seven bucks! And don't let the naysayers bring you down. The album is terrific. It's chock full o' hooks and is RIYL The Killers but prefer a bit more meat on your hooks. It also kind of sounds like The Futureheads if their songs ever passed the ninety-second mark. And it sounds nothing like The Bravery so it's also got that going for it.

Also on sale today is The Incredibles DVD. If I were sixteen I'd probably be standing in line at midnight to buy it. Luckily I'm much older so I won't be freezing my ass off in the twenty degree Chicago night.

Man, I sound like a fucking shill, don't I? Eh, who cares? It's not like I'm making any dough off these endorsements. Yet.

I have a rilly big (trade) show for work at the end of the week so I'm more swamped than usual sooooo if I hope to escape the office before the beginning of my DJ set I'd better jet now.

To miss me a bit less, you should go here to download a really, really awesome tune by Milk At Midnight in celebration of their own rilly big show at Double Door tonight. As the Keepster would say, "Slayer!"

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Rock-N-Roll Professionals.

The group formerly known as Woolworthy and myself helped Rudy move into his new digs yesterday. As a general rule the rock ands/or rolling crowd aren't exactly a bunch of burly moving types, but we did manage to get all of Rudy's belongings down the Escher-stairs and into the moving van in one piece. His new building -- that he bought by the way thus entering the world or "responsible landowner" -- has a perfect location and I'm looking forward to many summer evening on his stoop. Rumor is there'll be a housewarming/bring-your-own-iPod-to-DJ party in early April.

After the move we had a blast relaxing with some pizza and beer in Rudy's new parlor. And I noticed something. My friends and I actually do have a good time together even when we're not in smoky, loud clubs surrounded by jibber-jabber and booze. It was a nice feeling and reminded me I really should try to spend more time with those guys outside of shows and such.

Dante's Eleventh Circle of Hell.

Last night I did indeed go boozing as threatened. Only the starting point was the last place on earth you expect to spot Tankboy. Imagine someplace roughly similar to the crags among Satan's toes, buried under miles of ice and suffocating you with sulfur. That situation would actually be more comfortable than where I was last night.

Hi Tops.

Buried deep in the breast of Wrigleyville -- a neighborhood only good for Cubs games and The Metro -- is this snarling, pulsing beast peopled by boys in striped oxfords and girls in black tops and blue jeans grinding against each other in a desperate attempt to prove they are, in fact, sexy. They're so not.

I went there to meet up with some friends and, I’m proud to say, I held down my gag reflex and actually lasted about forty minutes without starting a single fight or saying anything snide. I just drank many many beers and a few shots and everything was a-ok. Then we bolted to Ten56 where the staff must not have been communicating very well because all the bartenders kept trying to feed me shots independently of each other.

Then Photogal called! She was actually out and about with our friend Bill! At a bar! On a Saturday! So I bolted and cabbed it over to where she was before she had a chance to sober up and decide to go home. Many more beers were consumed, much laughter ensued and the evening ended with the obligatory Photogal need to stop at White Castle.

Ooh my achin' tummy.

Extraordinary Album.

A friend sent me a nice studio version of the new Fiona Apple disc that her label won’t release. The hype has really started to grow around this thing and while it certainly ain’t worthy of the Smile-vibe some overeager fanboys and girls seem to want to lavish on it I will say that I’m confused as to why the label won’t release the disc. It’s a mighty fine album ands while there’s no single poptastic stand-out it is the work of an artists maturing and starting to come into her own. At this point the hold-up seems more connected to building the buzz through underground marketing than to the label’s honest fear that the album won’t sell because it’s “difficult.”

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Holy Cramoley!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to take a day off. Tony Pierce kindly linked to me a few days ago and traffic spiked through the (proverbial) roof. Yow!

The show went insanely well Thursday and I had a chance to actually sleep a little later than usual Friday. Friday afternoon I marked my return to acting for the first time in thirteen years playing a few parts in a video shoot -- which was done against a green screen so I kept asking if I was gonna be in Sin City but no one got the joke -- and Friday night Photogal and I saw the awesome play Kid Simple. I don't know how long it's running since it was supposed to originally close last week but if you have a chance to see it I HIGHLY recommend it! A full review will be up over at the Chicago Metroblog page in a day or so. The review is up now so click here to read it.

Today seems to be the official Saint Pat's celebrations in Chicago so if I can talk Photogal into it I intend to spend the rest of the day downing beer and making fun of people with shamrocks painted on their faces. And dodging punches.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Who loves ya baby?

Sometimes I wonder if I am just too good to you folks. Then I step back and realize that would be impossible since each and every one of you deserves the very best. That's why I go out of my way to insure excellent entertainment options are available to you at all times. Which brings us to tonight's dueling "Tankboy Presents" shows. I kid. The gigs aren't dueling. Rather, I think they compliment each other quite nicely so everyone goes home happy at the end of the evening. The Subterranean line-up definitely leans more towards the pop end of the spectrum whilst The Pontiac's bands are a little heavier and scruffier. I will be at both shows. Cloning has not been ruled out as an option at this point. Anyway, the details:

Tankboy Presents

The Subterranean

Light FM
The Assembly
green light go
Show 9:00
$7 cover


Tankboy Presents

The Pontiac

Age Of The Rifle
Caterpillar Tracks
Ouija Radio
Show 9:00
!!no cover!!

Miss these and you'll feel foolish when everyone is talking about them and you have nothing to offer to the conversation for weeks to come. I guarantee it.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

From the Snark-O-Tron 8300.

I did not write any of the below comments. All the work was done for me by the Snark-O-Tron 8300. Thanks Snark-O-Tron 8300!

  • The most disturbing thing about Tankboy is that on his birthday, he performed the Heimlich maneuver on a grad student at UC Santa Cruz.
  • Why are people denying that Rip Torn and Tankboy are dating? I mean, they're always saying ''Guess what? We're dating''.
  • The most annoying thing about Tankboy is that he thinks he's Bob Barker, but he's really more like Treat Williams.
  • Imagine Tankboy. Now imagine Tankboy gently stroking Estelle Getty.
  • I think I'd be really turned on if Tankboy was caught having sex with Edie from Desperate Housewives.
  • If Tankboy and Donald Trump from The Apprentice had a conversation, it would probably go like this:
    Tankboy: Hey Donald Trump.
    Donald Trump: Yeah?
    Tankboy: I'm your father.
  • If Tankboy and Maria Boren had a conversation, it would probably go like this:
    Tankboy: Hey Maria Boren.
    Maria Boren: Yeah?
    Tankboy: I made out with Tankboy last night.
    Maria Boren: Word.
  • If Tankboy and Regis and Kelly had a conversation, it would probably go like this:
    Tankboy: Hey Regis and Kelly.
    Regis and Kelly: Yeah?
    Tankboy: I find you very attractive.
  • Hey Tankboy. Stop trying to be funny. You suck and I hate you.


And now, for the polar opposite of the Snark-O-Tron 8300.

My most awesome nephew wants to brighten your day!
I totally stole this photo.

Obviously I have a weakness for monkeys in hats. It's from this site. She has a bunch of other cool pictures as well so scroll down the side of her page to see 'em all¹. Though the one of the dude with the new Day Rising tattoo forces one to ask the inevitable, "Dude, do you have any idea how much you're going to regret that thing?" She has also posted a nice mix of high quality mp3s here. What can I say? The lady has taste.

¹And yes, this link-o-rama is my attempt to hide the fact I have no actual thoughts of my own to share with you today. Somebody scrubbed my head clean out. Sorry.
A poem.

I have a headache.
I stayed up too late.
No soup for you!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

A twinge of concern tightens up.

We're DJing tonight at Ten56 as usual. Now, anyone who's stuck around for the whole evening of music on a Tuesday can probably recite verbatim the closing soundbite I employ. It's the speech from Chasing Amy where the "militant" black cartoonist give a speech comparing Star Wars to gentrification and racism in general. It's an incredibly funny bit of dialogue that is funny primarily because it is slightly mean and contain more than a grain of truth.

However I've recently decided that unless you know the context that the discussion is lifted from this exchange is probably some pretty shocking stuff. I hope that I haven't offended anybody over the years but in case I have I think I've come across an even better closing monologue. Cedric the Entertainer delivers a doozy of a speech in Be Cool about white culture consuming black culture and I think that if I string the two speeches together one right after the other it will more effectively get across the sentiments I've always personally held regarding the Chasing Amy bit.

And if all else fails I can always fall back on the David Cross bit about lowering the age of consent to thirteen. That never confuses or offends anybody!

Dwight Ewell as Hooper X in Chasing Amy

Monday, March 07, 2005

Nine Inch Nails With Teeth prank.

So it's already getting light outside at 6am...the days are definitely getting longer. It's about damn time. Now I just have to figure out why I keep getting up this early.

I came across this site today. Apparently some kid has been allowing people to download what appears to be the new Nine Inch Nails album from him only to have it revealed that the tracks are not Nine Inch Nails at all. Apparently there are a lot of angry little goth kids out there...and nothing makes me laugh harder than angry little goth kids. Okay, maybe hippies playing with nitroglycerin filled hackey-sacks. That makes me laugh pretty hard as well.

Speaking of angry goths, this kid is friends with the cat passing out the fake NIN¹ disc:

[zeropanik] whenver i am depressed, i bang my head against the wall and shove broekn glass into my chest screaming "STOP BEING A FUCKING STUPID GOTH"

So, has anyone actually heard the new Nine Inch Nails? I'm curious to know what it sounds like. Can they still sound dangerous at all or has music gone so far beyond their rage level that the band will only seem quaint? Eh, who cares? Dave Grohl plays drums so it can't be all bad!

What is all bad -- and really, I'm sorry for the lurching topic shifts here -- is the spybot I downloaded onto my mom's computer yesterday. My mom had wondered aloud whether Paris Hilton had plastic surgery or notso I tried to pull up the before and after pictures of Ms. Hilton through Google...only to land on a site that hijacked her computer with pop-ups.

Three hours and a number of AdAware and Search & Destroy sessions later I'm still not sure if her computer is totally clean. Fuckers.

Okay, I need coffee. Speaking of coffee, I really wish I had come up with this logo for this company. It rocks:

Oh yeah. Last thing. We saw Be Cool yesterday and it was lots of fun. It's been getting bad reviews and I think that proves thatmost movie critics don't know how to have fun anymore. I mean c'mon, any movie I walk out of and say, "Wow, The Rock was awesome in that film." when it's common knowledge I find The Rock incredibly annoying has to have something pretty strong going for it.

¹Considering the number of times the words “Nine Inch Nails” and “With Teeth” appear in this post I wouldn’t be surprised at all if I got a bajillion hits before noon. Poor saps. They’ll be looking for the new Nine Inch Nails disc and will instead get a half-assed piece of writing concocted under the last cobwebs of sleep.

Sunday, March 06, 2005


I can't believe I got thrown out of Liar's Club because I got pushed by a yuppie and asked him why he couldn't say, "Excuse me."

Figures. The one time I get thrown out of a club it's because I didn't start something for once!

Friday, March 04, 2005

She’s back!

Finally. Some more of my favorite noise.
He’s back!

Naked Guy at the Gym on his Cell Phone™ (though he wasn't actually naked for the most part this time, just unbelievably annoying) was back yesterday morning! I mean jay-zus what is wrong with this cat? Not only was he jabbering away but he had gym bag draped over six benches and he decided to use a locker right next to the one I was already stationed at thus insuring maximum annoyance would be dished out and weathered by yours truly.

I decided to eavesdrop a bit – well I didn’t have much of a choice since this guy was pretty much right on top of me talking in my ear – but I have deduced that he either sells real estate or rents out apartments. He also doesn’t seem all that well educated judging by his word choices and constant lapses in tense.

Having noticed that I began to wonder if in fact my observations of this lout made me a bad person and indicated that I may be in some way biased along class lines. Then I realized this jerk probably couldn’t even spell “lout” so the point was moot. Then I realized I wanted to punch him because if some boorish jackass thinks it’s appropriate to pace a locker room naked barking into a cell phone I can only imagine what kind of a driver he must be when he gets behind the wheel of his car that is probably small, red and a desperate attempt to impress the ladies.

What makes this even worse is that I belong to a pretty nice gym that has a lovely little juice bar/cyber café that has plenty of room for someone who wants to hang out and make calls on their cell phone. Not only is there lots of room but you can enjoy a healthy frosty beverage and check your e-mail too! So why the fuck do people insist of yammering away in a locker room where space is at a premium and manners matter?

I’m sorry but unless you’re a doctor or the pope I don’t think you are so important that you MUST take that call right this second.

UPDATE at 6:52am I sent an e-mail to the gym's owner yesterday and just got a response letting me know that the issues I brought up had been troubling the management for a while and that from this point on cell phone use would be banned in the locker room. Did I mention how much I love my gym? At the same time, how sad it is that in this day and age gym patrons are so clueless and self-involved that I actually need to petition for the right to a little civility in the locker room? Maybe it's just my nature since I'm also one of those guys who will put weights that are lying on the floor back in their place because I wouldn't want someone to think that I did it.

Does that make me overly-sensitive? I certainly don't want to become one of those whining and nagging types trying to "improve everyone's surroundings" by making their lives miserable with restrictions.

Who has the time to do this kind of thing?

I totally stole this from John:



Weekend plans?

So far it's looking to be rather quiet and suffused with family though perhaps I will get out for a biut on Saturday to let off a little steam at InnJoy. If I make it out, is anyone else in? We could all look like this (click on the picture to enlarge so you don't strain your eyes foo'!):

Only we wouldn't be dressed as nicely.

Who's that in the mist?

Screw American Idol since that show has sucked ever since Kelly Clarkson took it all in the first season. Instead may I direct your attention here for a bona fide talent search helmed by the crew pictured below. Wouldn't you rather be judged by 2D instead of some clueless music industry has-been?

Now that's rock and/or poppin'¹ roll.

¹Speaking of poppin'...I hear that popping your collar is all the rage these days. is this true? Have we re-entered the hell that was the mid-80s Preppy craze? If so, I'd like to let everyone who is doing this know that I was there the first time around and it wasn't cool then so it certainly isn't cool now. Get a clue kids...pick up the retro trends that make sense!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Daft Punk are playing at your house because when they played at mine everything got, like, totally trashed.

Okay, the dogs just woke me up a full 45 minutes earlier than usual. Thanks you two. Ugh. So since I'm still groggy howzabout we just touch upon a fewmain points and then go mainline some coffee? Sound good to you?
  • The Windy City Roller derby girls rule. A crew of them came by and got all rowdy on Tuesday night. I noticed that they especially liked Photogal's DJ selections and responded with much whooping and dancing.
  • Actually both Photogal and Jenny Evil did an outstanding job spinning. They both pick great songs that I've usually forgotten about or would never think to spin. I love when that happens!
  • Hmmm, I've hit a mental wall here. There was more to say but I think my brain just stopped working.
  • Wow, that was weird. I literally can't think of anything to type other than the fact that I can't think of anything to type! Oh wait, here's something:


There, I knew there was something...

The above topic header should have probably gone here.

So Scenestars turned me on to the LCD Soundsystem b-side “Jump Into The Fire” and I returned the favor by letting ‘em know the song was actually a Harry Nilsson cover. Now however I want a nice quality copy of the tune all for myself since the one posted over at Scenestars is a lower bitrate than I can bring myself to listen to regularly. So if anyone has the song ripped at 192 kbps or higher can you send it to tankboy (at) gmail (dot) com? I looked for it on iTunes put apparently it ain’t available through them yet… (UPDATE: EJ set me up with a nice copy so that will tide me over until I can buy the track from iTunes. Thanks EJ!

…speaking of grandmas…

Since I tortured y’all with the picture¹ of the Evil Granny Gooch yesterday I figured I would help clean the collective palate by posting a photo of my own mother’s favorite grandson…my nephew!

¹I was thinking about this yesterday. If I was a girl and I owned a digital camera and I posted pictures of myself looking coyly into the camera I bet my site traffic would quadruple and my comments would fill up daily. Just a thought.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Free the Gooch!

I am running late, so no recap of last night¹ for you today. I’m just gonna post, verbatim, a story about my favorite felonious Chicago grandma figure…Betty Gooch!

Swindler of car dealers pushes for early release

Published March 2, 2005

NORTHWEST SUBURBS -- The lawyer for Betty Gooch, the check-bouncing grandmother who ripped off suburban car dealerships, is trying to get his client sprung less than six months after she was sentenced to 3 years in prison.

Gooch, 76, was sentenced in December for bilking an Elgin auto dealer but has been behind bars since early April after being charged with scamming showrooms in Cook and McHenry Counties. Attorney Kevin Talbot said she deserves more credit for time spent in jail awaiting sentencing and should be released 2 1/2 months earlier than her June 26 parole date.

People convicted of non-violent crimes normally serve only half of their sentences. Talbot said Gooch's age and poor health should factor into the equation as well.

"We thought because of her medical background and her age they would have released her [by now]," he said.

Cook County prosecutors said they would oppose Talbot's motion at a March 16 hearing in the Rolling Meadows branch of Circuit Court. (full story)

How could you lock up that face? Let her out already!

¹Okay, I'll write one thing about last night. Danny gave me a copy of the new Milk At Midnight disc and it's super. Really, there's some great stuff in there. And banjo! More on that later, though...

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


It's a very special
Sweet Alice Tuesday Birthday Party
for Jenny Evil and Photogal!

Your DJs for the evening will be:
DJ Tankboy (um, that's me)
DJ Evil (that would be Jenny Evil)
DJ Cowbell (and that would be Photogal)
DJ Rudy Tuesday will also be in,
but he's taking a break from the decks for the evening.

There will be cake and sweets to help you wash down all that booze.

Free PBR from 8-9
DJs spin from 9-2
Good times had 24/7

New music from:
Beck, Bloc Party, The Bravery,
Brendan Benson, The Cells, Diamond Nights,
Electric Six, Heartless Bastards, House Of Love,
The Kaiser Chiefs, Moby, New Order, Queens Of The Stone Age,
Sleater-Kinney, Spoon and others...

TONIGHT, Tuesday March 1


1056 N Damen
Chicago, IL

Despite our best efforts we were unable to photograph Ms. Evil.
Apparently her image does not actually show up in film. Darn!