Monday, January 31, 2005

Further proof that I perhaps
had too good a time Friday night:

I have no photos of the event! Did anyone out there take any pictures? If so, can you send a few my way? I would certainly appreciate it!

However, if you have any particularly embarrassing shots of me in those photos I would thank you to delete, destroy and dispose of those…

Saturday, January 29, 2005


Last night was awesome. So awesome that Photogal won't talk to me, Jesse from Double Door -- I found my CDs by the way, so sorry about stumbling around the sound booth -- will probably be happy if he doesn't see me for the next six months and so awesome that my little brother had to count out, divide up and distribute the band money.

And Woolworthy kicked out an absolutley inspirational set!

I am so going to miss that band.

Friday, January 28, 2005

It's bronchitis!

The doc says I have bronchitis and I tested negative for the flu, so I've got some antibiotics and a strong-ass expectorant (yum!) so I should be fit as a fiddle in no time.

In other news, Bob is finally back and things ain't lookin' so good for him. I can identify as I have been in the "I'm gonna shape up for her!" mode just before getting dumped.

Friday January 28 at Double Door


Cisco Pike
(Pat & Randy formerly of The Cells, Scott from Local H and Tom Szidon)

The Ladies & Gentlemen

The Violent Hour
(It's their last show too...)

The show starts at 9pm SHARP.
Expect an extra long set from Woolworthy starting about 11:30pm
and lots of surprise musical guests
trying to horn in on their action one last time.

I'll also be DJing in-between the bands as well
so it's non-stop fun from the second the doors open, eh?

More info:
The Ladies & Gentlemen
The Viloent Hour
Double Door

You can find more lots more writing about tonight here, here, here, here, here and best of all here...

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Holy crap.

I just found the Pontiac and went for a walk down Damen Avenue. I half expected to see june standing in front of Double Door. Freaky.

I make one negative comment about Chipotle and all hell breaks loose.
A hack, a hack, and then a wheeze.

I haven’t been ill for this long since the ‘90s. Seriously this sucks. I should have just stayed home earlier in the week but taking sick days when I’m still in the least bit functional seems like such a cop-out. I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m still kind of new to corporate salaried America, eh? I have put in another call to my doc to see if she has better advice than Robitussin for relieving the vice that’s squeezing my chest and scraping away at my voice. Urg.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I just literally did a spit-take!

I knew Rach was going to be on The OC. I even did my journalistic duty and reported it through reputable channels. However the knowing DID NOT prepare me for an actual photo of the historic appearance. Did I mention how proud I am that she's doing so well?

So, does this mean Ms. Yamagata will provide the soundtrack for Ms. Cooper's much rumored sapphic embraces?

I find that answer acceptable.

It's not how old you are, it's how old you think...

You Are 28 Years Old

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart.
You feel excited about what's to come...
love, work, and new experiences.

What Age Do You Act?
A bold step forward!

I'm pulling the plug and taking myself off the TheraFlu. I think it's doing more harm than good at this point since now I'm battling upper chest congestion in a major way topped off with a lovely raw throat. I think the TheraFlu just keeps drying stuff up when I need it nice and wet and ready to go mobile. I've gotta cough this crap out of my lungs and pronto.

I lasted until 11pm spinning last night and Rudy was kind enough to pull an extra hour and spin non-stop until close for me. I left him a copy of the new Electric Six disc in gratitude so I suspect that was in heavy rotation after I left. Due to my cough and cashed vocal chords I couldn't really talk at all, which tickled my friends pink. Apparently me speechless is a rare and wondrous thing. Bastards.

Only two more days until Woolworthy's final show so I've gotta get better so I can go boozing it up...deadlines, deadlines...

Birthday greetings to... little brother Sean! I hope you have a great day and that cute young thing¹ in the typing pool gives you a birthday surprise at lunch time.

(photo forthcoming of my little brother and I sharing a tender and embarrassing moment)

¹Um, I suppose I should say that this "cute young thing" is a figment of my imagination since I'm pretty sure my brother is actually one of the youngest folks working in his office. Also, if there is a person there that would fit the description of a "cute young thing" I wouldn't want them to read this, think my brother had said something sexist about them to me and then sue the pants off my brother and his company. That would suck and not be a very nice Birthday Surprise™ at all.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Reports of my death may have been premature.

I left work an hour early yesterday and collapsed as soon as I got home. I spoke to my doc and she said that she could put me on meds but if I thought I could tough it out with lots of water and sleep then that might be better for me in the long run so I’ve decided to go the holistic route. Okay, not totally since I’m still sucking down the TheraFlu but I am feeling much peppier today. The aches and chills and dizziness are gone and the worst thing sticking around is this hacking cough and a throat that feels like it’s been attacked by a potato peeler. Oh yeah, and I have no voice.

Still, I’m going to try and tough it out and DJ tonight, though there will be no smoking or drinking for me and I may duck out super-early…but at least I’ll make an appearance. I’ve got to get 100% better so I’m ready and rarin’ for the farewell Woolworthy show this Friday!

Monday, January 24, 2005

I may feel like crud today...
but nothing can stop this picture
from bringing a smile to my face:

Now excuse me, I have to go quietly cough up a lung so that my neighboring co-workers do not start to worry that I have the plague.
I think I'm going to die.

Okay, it's not that bad, but all hopes that the mystery illness I've been suffering since Saturday would pass before the work week have been dashed. I got very little sleep due to my throat's lighting on fire every four to five seconds. I'm downing TeraFlu, dressing warmly, drinking OJ, downing vitamins...I even tried to sweat it out and went into the gym to try and push the toxins out this morning. Nothing is working. I finally capitulated and put a phone call into my doctor this morning begging for an appointment either later today or first thing tomorrow.


Sunday, January 23, 2005


Just like that Young Ones episoide, only without the nail through the head. Achey chills, lungs full of phlegm...oh yeah this is sexy. I'm actually getting bored of DVDs and falling in love with the night-time TheraFlu since it knocks me out cold and I have no idea I feel as crappy as I do. This had better clear up by tomorrow though since I've got a busy week at work as we approach Chinese New Year.¹ I so can't afford to feel this crappy.

¹My company makes stuff in China and all the factories I deal with close down for a few weeks for Chinese New Year so there's always a rush to get deatils for everything we deal with finalized ahead of the extended holiday. See, you learn a new Fun Fact™ from me every day!

Friday, January 21, 2005

Rock and/or Roll will save my soul.

And to think that I was going to stay in last night until Photogal, of all people (!), decided she wanted to go to Double Door to hang out with her friend Lauren since Lauren was working the merch table for Razorlight. I ran into Steve who told me his band had opened for the other band on the evening's bill a few years ago and boy oh boy was he was right to warn me of the impending blowing-off-of-socks I was about to experience; The Features were goddamned inspirational last night. If these cats come to your town you have to see them. I mean, they blew Razorlight off the stage last night. I'll write something more detailed over at Lost In Guyville later but for now know this:

The Features are everything a good rock and/or roll band should be.

Also tonight, same Bat-place same Bat-channel, is The Soundtrack of Our Lives and I will be there to experience the awesomeness. If you can somehow get a ticket I highly recommend their live show since it's inspirational in that steambath evangelical sort of way. not to be missed.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

...and now, the cuteness...

Since I'm sure you've done your civic duty by taking The Many Faces Of Tankboy Quiz by now, I shall reward you with some images that are too adorable for words. Okay, I’m still going to put words to them so maybe they're not actually "too adorable for words" but they are pretty damn adorable. Nit-picker.

First off we have my nephew proving what I already knew; everyone wants to escape from their parents as quickly as possible. Here we have a shot of a child barely old enough to crawl making his best go of it as he attempts to attain freedom.

Recently I was gifted with a rather over-sized stuffed Garfield. I took it home and was greeted by a quizzical Photogal who kept thinking of ways for me dispose of Garfield in as humane a way as possible. Re-gifting was near the top of her list of options. Of course anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I am loathe to really let anything go...luckily for me Betty the Beagle stepped up and befriended the over-sized Garfield thus insuring he has a place in our home as long as she enjoys snuggling up next to him.

And finally we have a lovely snap of yours truly cutting such a dashing figure that Photogla cannot contain herself. Witness the chaste kiss on the cheek and then ponder where exactly my hands are since they are obviously out of the frame. Can we say "cupping someone's derrière" class?

Okay, all together now, “Awwwwwwww….”

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The many faces of Tankboy...which Tankboy are you?

Admit it, you've wondered which phase of my life yours is currently mirroring haven't you? Well now I've made a quiz that will answer that previously imponderable question so click here and find out!
Hold on.

I’m so proud of myself for not only having the guts to go through with my threat of playing the Wilson Phillips smash hit “Hold On” but also for actually getting about 99.9% of the bar to sing along to the song. There was even air-drumming involved. Considering there was a vicious snowstorm last night and no one in their right mind should have ventured out we sure did have a lot of fun.

Luckily for me I don’t know too many people who are actually in their right minds.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Well now THAT sucked.

Our security alarm just went off and we can’t figure out what tripped it. Movement on the back porch sparked it but no one was out there and the only thing I can deduce is that the motion sensor caught the cat through a window or something. I mean, there’s no one there but it still took the adrenaline a little while to bubble down as I stalked from room to room with a baseball bat to make sure there was nobody besides me, Photogal or the animals in the house. Creepy. I guess I’m up for the day.

It’s funny, we live on the far west side of Chicago and just a few blocks away sits one of the more affluent suburbs in the area but my neighborhood is still a bit rough. Accordingly we need an alarm and I can honestly say it’s the first time in my life living anywhere with a security system even though this certainly is not the roughest neighborhood I’ve ever lived in. Alarms do a really good job of making you feel safe while at the same time feeding the paranoia that there’s somebody out there and they are trying to get into your house.


On the bright side I’m getting an early start on the day so I’ll be home in plenty of time to DJ tonight. Oh yeah, that brings us to the entry directly below…
Forever's gonna start tonight.


DJ Tankboy
think tonight is what it means to be young.

Old school rock and/or roll attitude
mixed with only the finest selections
from yesterday, today and tomorrow.

TONIGHT, Tuesday January 18, 2004
Free PBR from 8-9pm
Stunning musical selections from 9pm until 2am

Features of the week:
We guarantee we'll play something off new or unreleased albums from these artists!

Bloc Party
The Bravery
Brendan Benson
Bright Eyes
The Chemical Brothers
The Duke Spirit
LCD Soundsystem
Lou Barlow
Mommy And Daddy
Olympic Hopefuls
The Soundtrack Of Our Lives
The Wedding Present
Wilson Phillips

Let the rebels begin
Let the fire be started
We're dancing for the restless and the broken-hearted

Every Tuesday.
Only at Ten56.

Monday, January 17, 2005

New Beck album leaked!

Everone I know has today off but I don't so, naturally, I was bumming pretty hard this morning. Then I clicked on over to the most excellent DoneWaiting site to discover that the new Beck album has been leaked to the Internets! Suddenly working today doesn't seem so bad since it will be accompanied by a soundtrack of brand new Beck. Why don't you join in on the funn too?

Download the new Beck disc right here while you can. Boo hoo, it's been taken down.

Oh yeah, and a happy MLK Day to you and yours.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Brain cells? We don't need no stinking brain cells!

Did you know that North Avenue, just a few miles west of Harlem, looks like a good place to dump a body? I dind't until I woke up there last night and realized that the cab I was in had overshot my street by quite a bit. It ended up being the most expensive cab ride I've ever taken.

Earlier in the evening I drank to block the fact that every bar we went to was packed.

Pontiac? Packed.

Liar's Club? So packed the bouncer met us behind the building as we were getting out of our car to say, "There's too many yuppies in there, we're way over capacity and I can't let you guys in so I figure I'd catch you before you walked all that way and froze your ass off."

Club Foot? Packed, packed and packed. But it was nice to see Chuck, and Laurie actually played my David Bowie song request right after I requested it! I can't believe how popular the place has become since it was far quieter back when I worked there. I'm glad people have discovered it though.

InnJoy? Okay, InnJoy was a little fuzzy, but I think it was crowded too.

Today has been spent watching the funniest movie I didn't see in 2004 and should have...Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle. It's dumb but had me laughing out loud in ways that no movie has in a really long time. It was Strange Brew funny.

Tonight? Honky Tonk Bingo at The Pontiac with Photogal since she has tomorrow off!¹

¹Nope. Changed my mind. Decided to stay in with The OC instead. I have hit the dreaded "Oliver" storyline and my brother was right, it is annoying as hell.

Friday, January 14, 2005

The apocalypse is upon us
so I’m not thinking all that clearly.

Let’s see, two days ago it was 60° Fahrenheit then we got thunderstorms then we got snow and now it’s like a frickin’ icebox outside. I thought The Day After Tomorrow was a shoddy work of exploitative fiction but now I’m beginning to wonder. So here’s a random sampling of thoughts/observations/impulses from the last week.

  • I laughed out loud when I saw that an H2 had spun out into a ditch when we had a light frosting of ice earlier this week. Does that make me a bad person?
  • I’m really digging the new Brendan Benson album though the first song “Spit It Out” totally and boldly steals the riff from another song and it’s killing me that I can’t put my finger on which one Benson’s ripping off.¹
  • I am totally sucked into The OC. Photogal is less than pleased, especially since I fell asleep on the couch while watching disc four of the DVD set last night. Now that I’m enjoying the series so much I am beginning to feel the fear and steady certainty that the episodes must eventually go down in quality.
  • Oh my god that girl at the end of the bar last Tuesday was so hot it made me ache in that momentary teenage twinge sort of way though I was successfully able to not stare. Kind of a cute punk rocker in the mythological way guys fantasize about lipstick lesbians. Did that make any sense?
  • Having just written that I realize that Photogal may want to kick my ass. I hope she realizes that boys have no control over their drooling…as long as all they’re doing is drooling.
  • Nope, she’s not gonna buy that, even though it’s true.
  • I have no plans this weekend…at all. How is that possible? I need to do something social with my friends since I don’t really remember the sociable time we spent together last weekend all that well.
  • I really need more bookshelves. Our house is out of control. I own a lot of books. After we solve that problem then we’ll tackle the DVD storage issue. Lastly we’ll look into the CD storage issue. Maybe I can build an underground warehouse just off the basement…
  • Hmmm, I think it’s time to but some new T-shirts both in black and white. If I were to be caught in an accident and taken to the hospital wearing some of my undershirts my mother would be so embarrassed. She would also be able to stand over my bed as I convalesced and say, “I TOLD you to always wear clean underwear, now didn’t I?”
  • I haven’t eaten fast food in quite a while. Good for me!
  • I’ve also noticed my shoulders and chest are starting to bulk up a bit more than I’m used to and it’s freaking me out. Now if I could just get rid of the Citron and Soda/Maker’s Mark belly I’d be in pretty good shape.
  • DoneWaiting has updated our logo but I can’t show it to you yet. It’s really pretty cool though. I can’t wait for the new T-shirts.

And finally, ever wondered what a real rock and/or roll DJ looks like? Of course you have. One would look like this:

    This also neatly doubles as one of those obligatory MySpace/Friendster/Whatever Personal Profile pictures of the subject looking at something else dreamily while shooting themselves with their camera phone. The only thing that would make this photo more perfect would be if I was wearing a bra or posing in front of a Camaro.

    ¹I finally pinned it down. Benson has lifted the guitar line from Blurtonia's "Foxy By Proxy" and I've gotta give him props for pillaging a damn good but little known tune.

    Thursday, January 13, 2005

    Elektra eviscerated.

    When the Daredevil movie came out I wanted to howl and throw things and literally jump out of my seat and slash the screen in the theater to ribbons. After a string of kick-ass comic adaptations Hollywood majorly fucked up. It’s interesting to note that Marvel seems to have particular trouble adapting their more morally ambiguous characters like Daredevil, The Punisher -- and, now, Elektra – for multiplex consumption.

    Both Daredevil and Elektra helped a young Frank Miller cut his teeth before moving on to a complete rewrite of Batman in The Dark Knight Returns and, later, the excellent Sin City series. These were dark people fighting interior demons while acting out in ways that were less than super-heroic. I especially enjoyed the Bill Sienkiewicz illustrated Elektra: Assassin graphic novel that helped unfold the background of her childhood and helped explain why she was such a nutcase.

    As soon as I heard they were actually going to do an Elektra flick and treat it as a spin-off of the terribly Daredevil movie by insisting on using the incredibly miscast white-bread goody two-shoes Jennifer Garner¹ I could only think one thing:

    At least it can’t be worse than Catwoman, right?²

    Well, apparently it isn’t worse than Catwoman, but it is pretty bad. Michael Wilmington is the critic for The Chicago Tribune and his review went live this morning and I can honestly say I’ve never enjoyed one of his reviews more fully.³ I submit a few of his more prime observations for your perusal.

    "Daredevil," the 2003 film epic on Marvel's man without fear--and the picture that introduced Jennifer Garner's kick-butt heroine to the screen--seemed to me the weakest of all Marvel entries to date. But "Elektra" makes "Daredevil" look good.

    Misdirected by Rob Bowman ("The X-Files"), miswritten by Zak Penn and the team of Stuart Zicherman and Raven Metzner, and mostly over-acted by a cast of game but unfortunate talents, headed by the striking Garner ("Alias"), this is a picture that seems to serve no useful purpose other than as a marketing tool for action toys and a classic demonstration of how not to make a movie.

    Viewed in that light, though, the frenetic, flashy, absolutely empty "Elektra" is impressive. It's a catastrophe that keeps growing as we watch Elektra scowling at the world and beaming at little Abby, surrounded by queer billowing windstorms that wheeze up whenever the indoor action or slaughter commences or stripping down to her red siren outfits when faced with the villains. The Hand is a colorful but singularly unappealing lot: effete team-leader Kirigi (Will Yun Lee), ink-covered Tattoo (Chris Ackerman), the behemoth Mr. T and Rock knockoff Stone (Bob Sapp), agile Kinkou (Edson T. Ribeiro) and psycho-femme Typhoid (Natassia Malthe), who tries to soul-kiss Elektra to death. (full review)

    Well said Mike, well said. Maybe next time you cut in front of me at the concession stand to get more ice for your "drink" I’ll be more apt to forgive you. Your review earned you one free pass.

    ¹I do find it interesting that Garner is fegning an injury at the exact same time she should be out shilling for this film so that leads me to believe that even she knows it was a mistake to accept this aprticular paycheck.

    ²For the record, no, I haven’t seen Catwoman and it is one of the few movies I actually never ever want to see. I mean, I enjoy watching disastrously awful films and I even sat through The Chronicles Of Riddick a few weeks ago, but I consider Catwoman to be in a league of its own by being so awful it’s not even funny.

    ³This is especially impressive when you consider that Wilmington really annoys me and has ever since I saw him conduct a public discussion with
    Studs Terkel about Kurosawa and he jabbered on and on and on and actually had the audacity to cut Terkel off once or twice.

    Hmmm...not a nerd? I must be a geek then.

    I am nerdier than 9% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!


    ...and since I'm in a quizzical mood...

    I'm a Gina Rockit!

    Take What kind of Rockit Girl are you? today!

    You're as fiery a girl as they come, born to lead and bred for persistence. Tried and true, you will take life's lemons and make molotov-cocktail-flavored songs out of them! Funny, razor sharp, and a bit of a dictator, you hope to lead your bandmates to the promise land. You love The Beatles, Motley Crue, and secretly dance to Britney Spears songs while nobody's watching.

    Wednesday, January 12, 2005

    A moment of reflection.

    Here’s how it is. At the core, I am Rob from High Fidelity. I’m the kind of guy who wants to be out late at night. I’m going to keep wondering if there’s something better out there and I will keep digging on female attention that does not stem from my girlfriend. I mean, is there someone out there who will be into having mad monkey sex with me twenty days a month and on those few days sex isn’t an option will enjoy just going to town on me without any thought of their own pleasure.

    Well, maybe. But that doesn't really matter.


    I love Photogal.

    I mean, we’re connected. We’ve been back and forth, around the bend, over the river, through the woods and way beyond grandma’s house. I’ve hit that High Fidelity moment where I realize that, sure it could be better, but it could never be this good. For that I can come home early and snuggle and not feel cheated.

    Does that make sense?

    I don’t wanna say she’s my soul mate because that’s just cheesy as hell…but I do wanna say I can’t imagine ever not wanting to protect her and I certainly can’t imagine being with anyone else.

    So is that sweet or what?¹

    ¹This message has been brought to you with too little time to think about what I’m typing and an overwhelming sense of honesty. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

    Tuesday, January 11, 2005

    Ice ice baby.

    Okay, so Chicago didn't get hit my the massive ice storm as all the weatherfolk were so loudly predicting, but it seems as if the county in which I work was hit so I suppose I should strap some skates to my wheels before heading off. At least I have something nice and cozy to look forward to the evening, right?


    DJ Tankboy
    are cold as ice.

    So c'mon on in and help us thaw out, m'kay?

    Old school rock and/or roll attitude
    mixed with only the finest selections
    from yesterday, today and tomorrow.

    TONIGHT, Tuesday January 11, 2004
    Free PBR from 8-9pm
    Stunning musical selections from 9pm until 2am

    Features of the week:
    We guarantee we'll play something off these new or unreleased albums!

    Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
    Jimmy Chamberlin Complex - Life Begins Again
    The Chemical Brothers - Push The Button
    The Duke Spirit - Cuts Across The Land
    The Frames - Burn The Maps
    Stars - Set Yourself On Fire
    The Wedding Present - Take Fountain

    ...and if you're really lucky, I'll play some more
    off that new Kelly Clarkson disc...

    Hubba hubba...rowr!

    Every Tuesday.
    Only at Ten56.

    2/1 - Listening party for the new album from The Cells!

    1056 N Damen
    Chicago, IL

    The Chicago RedEye says: "The teeny tables and scant booths don't leave a whole lot of room for sitting, but the crowd (hipsters from all over the city) is mainly music fans who are more comfortable on their feet anyway. Stop in on Tuesday nights, when the DJ plays the best retro-rock this side of Detroit Rock City...."

    Monday, January 10, 2005

    Okay, maybe I was drunker than I thought...

    I was just about to make fun of one of my friends for going to TreVia Saturday night since the Kill Hannah kids were DJing...until I realized I was there! A few of us swung by near close to grab a cocktail (I blame this on Dave Suh, by the way) and I chatted with one of TreVia's owners for a while.

    Now this is proof that I was in a great mood, since I managed to go to a Kill Hannah event and made it through without angering anyone or start any fights. Yay me!
    Sucked into Orange County.

    I wasn't hungover in the classic sense yesterday so there was no headache, no nausea, no irritability...I was just drained from being out so much later than I'm used to. I was also filled with the same sense of relief that always follows one of these late excursions since, even though I did have a blast, I was reminded of the edge of desperation that comes with being around a bunch of single people late, late at night. I was also filled with relief since I didn't get into any fights or insult anyone, as far as a I can remember although I do admit Estelle's was pretty hazy in the memory department.

    Because I was so drained yesterday, I spent most of the afternoon on the couch getting introduced to my brothers DVD collection of The OC and now I'm frickin' hooked. On top of that the two-hour season premiere of 24 totally killed so you could say I'm falling in love with the folks over at Fox for green lighting these projects in the first place. I capped everything off with the first episode from the fourth season of Coupling, sine PBS is finally airing that season, so one could say the the teevee provided me with all my mental nourishment yesterday.

    That would probably explain why I felt brain-dead when I woke up this morning. I'm feeling better now, though, especially after finding this picture of my nephew in my in-box:

    Now that's the way to start the week off right!

    Sunday, January 09, 2005

    I am just now fully mobile.

    I closed out Estelle's last night, which is something I haven't done in a really, really, really long time.

    I apparently also made out with an ashtray at some point. I must have. That would at least explain this awful taste in my mouth.

    I think I'm still drunk!

    Saturday, January 08, 2005

    It's the King's birthday!

    Happy Birthday Mr. Jones.

    Oh yeah, I hear it's also this guy's birthday too.

    Friday, January 07, 2005

    History lesson.

    What most folks don't realize about me is that I am much older than I look. In fact, here is a photograph of me and a Soviet operative circa 1959.

    We're waiting for Marilyn Monroe to deliver us some fat Cuban cigars to enjoy with our after-dinner cognac. (Betcha didn't know I got to Marilyn before either that Mafia dude or Kennedy, eh?) I don't really remember what we were discussing that night since we were both distracted by a dosed out Cary Grant who couldn't seem to keep his clothes on for more than two minutes but I do remember it had to do with trading favors in exchange for promises to exchange nuclear material held within a couple warheads with the yolk from chicken eggs without either of our governments knowing about it. We thought we were so witty back in those innocent topsy-turvy days.

    Ah youth.

    Thursday, January 06, 2005

    I just took an on-line IQ test. Me so smart.

    Here's what they had to say:

    Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas.

    I loved that second Mad Max Word Warrior movie, didn't you?
    Humorous graphs are better than no content at all, right?

    It snowed here yesterday. Alot. Alot alot. Way more than it has for a few years. This being Chicago, though, all the streets are clean and I have no excuse for not going into work. When I lived in Maryland and New Jersey there were snow days all the time since the municipalities weren't really prepared for snow. Ever.

    Chicago just keeps on chugging. As an example of the Chicagoan work ethic it’s useful to look back a few years ago when we had like eighteen inches or something ridiculous it took until right before the time I would have had to leave for work for the sushi restaurant I worked at at the time, for the owner to call me and concede defeat and announce their own snow day. The next day most of the streets were still covered in snow, but I had to report for work anyway. that's Chicago for you...we work no matter what. Take THAT you East Coast pussies!¹

    As an added bonus this year, since I'm living in Photogal's house I also get the pleasure of shoveling more sidewalk than I've had to in, oh, about a decade and a frickin' half! I shoveled the back walk twice already and it was already dusted with another layer of the wet stuff before I had even left this morning. On the flip side, we do have a garage, so it was nice to not have to shovel snow off my car as well.

    All this was a rather wordy way to say I don't really have any content of any great worth today so instead I am posting this humorous diagram that was sent to me by an engineer.

    How wacky. Ah, engineering humor...always so refreshing!

    ¹Okay, okay...yes we are manly and rugged and gifted with a solid work ethic but I admit a twinge of jealousy for those "East Coast pussy" types that get to stay home when it snows. There, I said it. Are you happy now?

    Wednesday, January 05, 2005

    Maybe he'll come back as The Spirit?

    Will Eisner died Monday at the age of 87 and I just now heard about it. Wow. To say the man had a passing influence on the way I present stories through the image and the word would be an understatement. The Spirit remains one of my absolute favorite comics ever even fifty plus years after its inception.

    I'm just stunned.
    The moment you've all (probably not) been waiting for...the answers to the "Friends Quiz!"

    Here it is, the quiz and its answers. Most of you scored relatively well and some folks I’ve never met almost scored a bit too well. Either you’re very close readers or I want you to remove that camera from my house/cubicle/DJ booth right now! I am a bit in shock that my own girlfriend did not get 100% but have decided to add an extra 10% to her score since she has to go through the unenviable experience of actually living with and tolerating me on a daily basis.

    So, on to the unveiling!

    1) Okay, this is easy. What's the name and breed of my current pet?
    a) Lucy the Spaniel/Chihuahua
    b) Betty the Beagle
    c) Scamp the Malyoodle
    d) Naga naga wee wee

    This was easy...Lucy is Photogal’s dog, Scamp is my family’s old dog and Betty is my dog. And, to the dude who chose “Naga naga wee wee” I can only say you obviously weren’t trying.

    2) What color has my hair NEVER been?
    a) Blonde
    b) Blue
    c) Black
    d) Green

    This one got a lot of folks. Up until about the age of twenty or so I had never dyed my hair and always flashed the blonde locks with natural highlights. Once I got started though it was hard to stop me. Blue was my favorite since I though green made me look a little sickly. Purple was kind of fun but I couldn’t stop feeling like a big ol’ Popsicle.

    3) What is the tattoo on my right arm and who designed it?
    a) A portrait, drawn by Josh James
    b) Atlas, drawn by me
    c) A Tribal Band, drawn by Tim Bradstreet
    d) Steve Dallas, drawn by Berke Breathed

    See, these are tricky even for folks that know me. While Tim did use me as a model for his Wetworks Frankenstein pin-up, he has never designed any tattoos for me. Josh did do a nice portrait of me, but I already have one cartoon of myself on my body. Steve Dallas, due to my love of Bloom County, isn’t that far a reach either unless, of course, you already know I wouldn’t allow anything to be inked into my flesh that I myself didn’t design.

    4) What have I NOT had pierced?
    a) Nipples
    b) Nose
    c) Ears
    d) Lip

    Face it, I’m too old for that Emo crap. I was one of the first guys in high school to pierce my ears and got called “faggot” plenty of times…until my senior year when everyone had their ears pierced. I passed out when Jen Johnson pierced my nose and ended up knocking my friend Jim off the toilet…after I apparently licked the soap dish in the White trash House bathroom. The nipples got stuck in ’95 and continue to surprise folks…except for Dave Horn who continually tries to flick my rings through my shirts for some odd reason.

    5) What's my day job? The one that actually pays my bills...

    a) Patent Researcher
    b) Product Manager
    c) Bartender
    d) Talent Buyer

    Almost no one got this right. Not even my brother! No folks, I am not a patent researcher. I am a product manager¹ who helps usher all kinds of fun stuff to the market. I also do a far amount of technical writing and copywriting at my day job as well.

    6) What nickname have I NOT had in the past?
    a) Tankboy
    b) Sludgepuppy
    c) The Makeout King Of Wicker Park
    d) Mogwai

    This was another relatively easy one. I’ve never been called Mogwai.

    7) Where do I live?
    a) Oak Park
    b) Chicago
    c) Palatine
    d) Evanston

    No Julie, I DO NOT live in Oka Park! My mom lives in Palatine, I live Chicago and the poor damned souls in hell reside I Evanston.

    8) Who have I NOT danced with or gotten thrown out of a party with?
    a) Kim Thayil
    b) Billy Corgan
    c) Liz Phair
    d) The Jets

    Another tricky question that almost no one got right! I won a dance off with Kim Thayil. I danced to James brown with and subsequently got tossed from a party with Billy Corgan. I won a “Just Say No To Drugs” cartoon contest in my sophomore year of high school and my prize was backstage passes to, and a little jig with, teen sensations The Jets. Alas, I have never danced with Liz Phair. However.

    9) Who did I hit on at Danny's without realizing who they were and then got totally shot down and then made fun of by the staff for being a complete idiot?
    a) Rachael Yamagata
    b) Liz Phair
    c) Julia Stiles
    d) Sarah Polley

    I did indeed hit on Ms. Phair outside of Danny’s. Rachael is a friend of mine and I’d like to send a big, “Ewww!” out to Fagballs since he thought I hit on her. She’s like a little sister to me dude! I wish I had met Sarah Polley since maybe it would make up for the fact that the last time I saw Julia Stiles I was telling her what a crock awards shows, and the Golden Globes in particular, were. Foot, meet mouth.

    10) What is my favorite movie of all time?
    a) Clerks
    b) Philadelphia Story
    c) Bladerunner
    d) Breakfast At Tiffany's

    Only one person got this right. It was a toughie since I really REALLY love all the above films…but the one that really hits my sweet spot is The Philadelphia Story. I have no idea why, but it just does.

    ¹Well, technically I guess I would be an assistant product manager/technical writer...but it's my quiz, so there!

    Tuesday, January 04, 2005

    Back to work, yo.

    Thought I'd have time during my afternoon snack-break to type something but due to the immense amount of work that has piled up while I was off relaxing this past week an entry is not forthcoming. Yow!

    Maybe if I get up early enough tomorrow I'll post the answers to the friends quiz. Until then, I offer you this picture of a beagle with a bone:

    The eyes are obviously aglow as a warning, "Don't even THINK about trying to snatch that bone!"

    Monday, January 03, 2005

    A quick word about New Year's resolutions.

    I have one request for all of you people that resolved to lose weight and, in an attempt to attain that goal, joined a gym.

    Please stop.

    You're going to stop going in two to four weeks anyway and since there’s been a sudden influx of new folks that are hogging all the gear at ALL HOURS OF THE DAY it's making it really hard for those of us that HAVE been going to the gym religiously all along to get our workouts done.

    I mean, if you're really going to stick with it than congratulations and by all means say hi and wave to me from your elliptical machine, but if you're just going to give up anyway you may as well quit while you're ahead and let the rest of us have the space we've grown accustomed to.

    Can you guess where I just came home from? Sorry about the rant. I'm back to trying to think sunny, happy thoughts on my last day of vacation.
    So this is 2005?

    Is it safe to come out yet? Probably, but I'm staying in one last day since this is my final day of vacation for quite a while. I didn't really feel like I got that much vacationing done though! I had wanted to do at least one old-school late-night bender but every time I planned an evening to do so, family obligations would crop up early the next day...and I'm getting a bit too old to smell like booze when around young 'uns.

    Come to think of it, the only times I really felt like I was on vacation was when I saw The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (highly recommended since it got me all teary eyed) last week and Spanglish (much much better than I anticipated and Photogal loved it) yesterday. That's less a statement on movies as a consumerist form of escapism and more a realization of just how few movies I actually paid to go out and see this year!

    So, I hereby dedicate the remainder of this day to becoming a total house sloth. Right after I get back from the gym and take down the Christmas tree and wrap the decorations and...I think you might be getting the idea as to why I haven't gotten much vacationing in, eh?